


things to say, things to remember

by jorellep



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Poetry, i swear it gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:34:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22657882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jorellep/pseuds/jorellep
Relationships: Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Kudos: 24





	1. lights

when the lights die down,  
when the moonlight shines through  
i'll remember you  
red and proud

pink and blue  
satires dead  
i'll leave this earth  
with fire instead

know that i love you  
and poetry's not my best  
but it seems my dear,  
i cannot resist

i'll see you in the next life  
i'll see you there  
maybe when we're there  
we'll be lovers not friends

~K


	2. courage

i could never do it  
i couldn't  
the courage i couldn't muster up  
caused you to go

and because of my doings  
you'll go in peace  
i'll miss you my dear  
go on, go

marry the man you love  
marry the one you care for  
marry the one you chose  
marry me not

i love you 

~K


	3. he

closure was what i needed  
he gave it to me  
not you  
i loved you 

loved

he gave me comfort  
you gave me thrill  
he sensed my pain  
you gave me yours

we were once friends  
no doubt in that  
closer than most  
but now further than before

i'll move on  
with hope that you do too  
i missed you  
but now i don't

~T


	4. letters

these letters  
are they love?  
why do you write  
i'll give you mine

i remember the day  
your beautiful blue eyes  
that instead were brown  
the way they loved me

i understand, understood

i think this is what moving on is like  
painful  
with letters in between

i'll find my way out  
like always  
get over everything  
by doing everything

all i ask,  
is remember me

~K


	5. answers

i moved on easily  
i was shocked too  
i guess it's easy to move on  
since there was nothing there to start with

like always  
remember to take care of yourself  
i hope if one day we cross paths  
we'll reconcile

reconciliation

what a funny thing,  
never made sense  
but i think i know now  
it had been you

my reconciliation, was you

~T


	6. hope

you gave me hope  
i was such in a dark place  
you were the one to lift me  
i just wanted to say thank you

hope is a dangerous thing  
it gives me faith  
and if i'm to forget about you  
don't give me hope

i still love you  
i don't think i'll ever stop  
say it to me t,  
tell me you don't love me

then maybe

maybe 

i can stop 

with love,  
~K


	7. damn you

damn you  
damn you and your eyes  
damn you and your smile  
i can't get over you, even with time

you should go to hell  
you should be sacrificed  
because once my eyes fall onto yours  
i get pulled into sin

you say you worship satan  
his fire in your eyes  
they burn through my godly soul  
although, was it to start with? 

you're a sin,

a sin i want to commit

don't tempt me kat

don't tempt me

~T


	8. lies

you tell me,  
you tell me to move on  
but then you lie  
and say you have too

you say i'm a sin  
but since when did euphoria become a sin? 

stop lying to me trix  
stop the hurt  
you don't deserve me  
you deserve better

leave me tallulah  
with your trickeries and lies  
i think i've been through enough  
i could fall in love again

couldn't i?

~K


	9. valentine

hello  
it's been a while,  
it's been a valentine  
it's been a day

i try kat  
i try,  
i try to tell myself that they're enough  
but you pull me back in

like a bright lure  
you capture me  
and like a line  
you reel me back in

i don't know what to do  
thrashing around in bed  
sleepless  
i want you kat

but i can't

~T


	10. leave

leave them then  
leave them with dignity  
but,  
if they make you happy

happier

i would be glad  
glad that you found them  
glad that they made you smile  
more than i ever did

i love you trix

more than anyting

but if it means letting you go?  
i'll do it  
without questions  
because you're the one i worship

no questions asked

~K


	11. secrets

i haven't told you something  
something that holds a powerful secret  
i'm married  
married to a person i don't love

i didn't want to tell you,  
scared that they might find this  
scared that they'll cast me away  
scared that they would hurt you

no one knows this  
it was a drunken night  
full of tears and anger  
full of fear and disgust

you were gone,  
somewhere in the world

i thought you had abandoned me  
so i thought revenge was right  
and bourbon was my friend  
so i married them

i love you  
please don't hate me

~T


	12. hate

i could never hate you  
especially you  
i would hang the moon for you  
i would do anything for you

but

i am sad  
sad that i couldn't be yours  
sad that i left you   
sad that you found someone else

i love you barbara

you're my barbara to my streisand

i love you  
and don't worry  
i don't think i could leave you   
not again

i love you my barbara

~K


	13. mine

were you ever mine?   
i would've wanted that

the white picket fences  
the dark green grass under our feet  
children

did you ever want them?

i think i do

the summer sun blinding our eyes  
arms and legs tangled together  
soft bedsheets tickling us  
your hair in my face

breathing

i've always wanted you katya  
always

i wish you were mine

~T


	14. dreams

wouldn't that be a dream  
a dream that we could both have  
sometimes i pray  
i pray that we'd be together

i think  
i think dreams are memories   
memories of our other versions  
versions where we never met

those are nightmares

dreams are those when we find ourselves  
when we find eachother  
when we fall in love  
when we see stars even when our eyes are closed

i never want to think about what might've happened  
what might've happened if we never met  
where would i be today?  
not with you

now that is a true nightmare

~K


	15. separation

they've asked for it  
a permanent solution  
a divorce

i dont seem to know why  
but it hurts me  
the idea,   
hurts me

i should feel happy 

shouldn't i?

i could be free again,  
be with you.

i think i'm afraid   
but i know you're here  
here with me  
here to be with me

should we have coffee?

~T


	16. cause

if i am to be the cause  
so be it

maybe being selfish is a good thing  
but i can't shake the feeling of guilt  
guilt that i have caused you to be sad

but i look to the future   
future for us  
a future that we would both benefit from

be my love   
be my s/o  
be mine?

~K


	17. parallel

do you think in our parallel lives  
we're together?  
unlike ours  
when we would meet

we fell in love  
and never left?

would we have met?  
would we be friends?  
or would we be enemies  
at each others necks

would we have a family  
2 or 4?  
or none at all

the lives where we never met  
are they lonely?  
or were they happy?

i think i'm fine   
most of the time  
always be mine

and

i'll always be yours

~T


End file.
